Une quiche nommée loally

Une Quiche nommee Loally has tested on prime, for you all… Temporary agencies!

Well… I’ve been looking for a simple definition on several websites for 15 minutes, and all are quiet original and different so I’m going to quote those found on the net…

-       “Find your job now with Randstad! Thousands of job offers are waiting for you!”

Yep; that’s what they say: offers are waiting and you can surely hope to get a Christmas card at the end of the year, sent by the offers…

-       “Look at the jobs ads on our website, get job offers notifications on your mail box and receive everyday or weeks job offers that fit with you.”

At Adecco, get spammed with job offers that are not made for you, everyday, every week, anytime!

-       “Looking for work? A permanent contract? Temporary work? Interim? Internship? (Sale yourself/ New Scam and Slavery legal job) Every day, people find you a job!”

At Manpower, people find for you, but don’t expect more!

-       “Ltd International, a temporary agency in Paris… Ltd International first goal is to go with you along the recruitment process.”

Ltd goes with you…For sure! They call at 12, for you to come quickly the same day. There, 4 seat. Just enough room for candidates to come in and out, they're waiting for you in a hallway. You can see desk with people on the phone, customizing the area, as there’s no room left to walk past.

In five minutes, the advisor will explain she will totally change your resume, and add that she already sent another resume to the employer you came quickly there for…

Then she can send you back to the hallway to seat an English test you needed anyway for this job, find back the file she had the time to lose, and she'll disappear in the beating of a rhythmic photocopier.

-       “Company dedicated in placing qualified candidates to answer urgent needs for employers.”

Frankly, they did well to precise they answered urgent needs. I had a first interview a week after they called me and waited 30 minutes there because the advisor was on the phone.

What you have to know is that when you get a job interview in a temporary agency, you have to leave your ID, social-security card, diplomas, work certificates, your first diapers and your Picture Day photos.

At the end of the interview, she disappeared a couple of minutes to check if she had “anything to purpose” and came back with “nothing to purpose”. In a couple of minutes, she apparently talk about me to all her colleagues, checked there was nothing to purpose, unseated the Queen Elizabeth and introduced peace on earth.

I appreciate the fact that two people came to my private room to excuse the advisor, perhaps to check I was still breathing. And no! I was alive and staying, unfortunately for you…

Anyway, I’m allowed to “harass” the advisor, each Monday or Tuesday, to keep up to date data.

-       “Carry out a dynamic partnership with temporary workers, “listen, motivation, test”. Share our passion.”

S.I.M. are dynamic and passionate. They are so dynamic they always take the time to send resumes to the employer, a week before your interview with them.  I only seated a silly Excel test and had a quick simple conversation with the advisor, who might just have been out of high school.

Anyway, these were the only contacts I had with them.

-“Subsidiary of William Sinclair, Sinclair is a recruitment agency for temporary and permanent work”.

Sober and clear. No risk. Things are better in there. The advisor assures you this is a serious company and they will get back to you even if you do not have an interview, it is sunny everyday, people are gentle, love each other, will help any walk passers and that they can manage peace on earth.

In the end, the advisors called me back to tell the company I applied for changed language at work. English was old-fashioned. They had to talk Chinese, now.

To help, I created a lexical warning alert to escape, as soon as you can, so if you hear them, run, save yourself and forget about your belongings; especially your first diapers.

-       “I’ve got a job for you”. You are not a fish don’t catch any shit.

-       “You have to come urgently”, means I have to plan my day or my boss will want to see me; so I do as if I were really busy and will send lots of CVs, all day long.

-       “Thanks for your registration in our agency”, (ô spam you I’ll sell your mail…)

-       “Call us”

-       “Your name?”

-       “We had to meet up at 11 and right now, I’m really busy with coffee…”

-       “You know, I want to kill myself…” Ok, run, but please call 911.

-       “I don’t have any room left, this week…”

So the next article will be definitely about Une Quiche Nommee Loally, on trial with the industrial tribunal. Stay up to date!